My Old Amigo Lum

He ain’t much on conversation
His old mind, it wanders some
But a better compadre ain’t lived or breathed
Than my ole’ amigo Lum

Now Lum, he’s plenty punchy
Ya won’t find a tougher old coot
But down right, plain old common sense
Ain’t one of his stronger suits

You won’t find a better feller
To have round ya in a pinch
His head’s as hard as granite rock
And he won’t give an inch

We were cowboyin’ up in the Keechi hills
It was one of our lighter days
But we’d ‘bout had our bellies full
Of cuttin’ those cedar stays

The weekend, now was comin’ up
Time for the big rodeo in town
Been quite a spell since we’d been in
Lum and me would ride on down

Now Lum ain’t no spring chicken
But he acts just like a kid
When the bullriders finally mount the beasts
Used to twist ‘em himself, he did

The crowd gathered ‘round the buckin’ chutes
They  were thick as bitin’ fleas
And Lum, his stature’s lackin’ some
Makin’ it tough for him to see

Ole’ Lum sure ain’t no genius
But what next he did made sense
He climbed up near the buckin’ chutes
And sat upon the fence

The fence sure ain’t as comfy
As his recliner back at the shack
And the cable through the cross-tie posts
Seemed to be a little slack

Now ole’ Lum, he’s kinda portly
Of a diet he ain’t thought
So the cable strand he sat upon
Down the line had been drawn taught

The announcer’s voice boomed loudly
Of the high horned brindle beast
Two thousand pounds of ragin’ hell
Was soon to be released

On Widowmaker, they kicked the latch
He followed the gate around
Then planted his feet and sucked back left
And slammed that cowboy down

He gave the clown a hookin’
Made a lap around the pen
But there ain’t a fence for a hundred miles
That could hold this brindle in

The Widowmaker, he sized it up
Then made a fitful run
He was intent on clearin’ that fence
Just four posts down from Lum

He quit the earth in one great leap
Now comes the change of events
A solid ton of snortin’ beef
Hit smack on top of that fence

Ole’ Lum, he’s cool, just sat there calm
With both hands in his pockets
But a ton of bull on that cable strand
Shot Lum off like a rocket

Now Lum survived the launchin’
And annihilation merely by chance
But he didn’t make re-entry
‘Till halfway through the dance

Lum told me it wasn’t the launch
Nor the fallin’, nor the drop
The thing that hurt his ole’ body so
Was that mighty sudden stop

Lum believes the moral here
Needs tellin’ to all you fans
It’s best to watch the rodeo
From somewhere in the stands

© 1999, Jay Snider, All rights reserved
These words may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.

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